10/28/2006

The men's turn now


The Men's Rules­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­­ At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down Finally , the guys' side of the story.( I must admit, it's pretty good.) We always hear " the rules " From the female side.Now here are the rules from the male side. These are our rules! Please note.. these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!1. Men are NOT mind readers.1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.1. Crying is blackmail.1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a Problem. See a doctor.1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.1. If you won't dress like the Victoria 's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one 1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothings wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine. Really . 1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as SEX, CARS, the shotgun formation, or BASKETBALL.1. You have enough clothes. 1. You have too many shoes1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!1. Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.

Musings from a friend of mine


Indisputable Facts About Men
Men approve of premarital sex until daughters are born.
If a man appears sexy, caring and smart give him a day or two, He'll be back to his usual self.
A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. So she gets a divorce.
Marriage certificate?It's just another name for her work permit.
When a newly married woman smiles, all know why, but when a ten-years married woman smiles, all wonder why.
"It was on this day two years ago that I lost my dear wife and children. I will never forget that game of cards..."
Men lie about their jobs, drive cars they can't afford, wear toupees and loose shirts that hide their stomachs, and say they want a "real woman"...
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a mans sex drive by 90 percent.... Wedding cake!!!
Bigamy is having one husband too many. Some say monogamy is the same.
If a man suggests that you take a break from vacuuming the living room and relax what it means is he can't hear the TV
If you think he's listening to you, you're wrong he's trying to convert what you just said into something with a sexual connotation
If a man had a thought in his head, it would get lonely!
If men got pregnant.... abortion would be available in convenience stores and drive-through windows.
Men are like roller coasters: when it's good you don't want to get off, and when it isn't... you can't wait to throw up.
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